Wednesday, September 12, 2012

sad,happy,regret,disappointed,happiness and wishes

its been a long i didnt write this...i choose write back here is because i dont know where should i release my stress...
it was like a god gifted..from 2 strangers to couple...since the day i knew her..already 2 years+ ...we text we chat we smile we laugh,she even taught me a lot and so did i..it was a club that the first place we met..but that moment we are still a stranger to each other..but i cant keep my mind away from her is just like her every move dragging me..hmm..its some kind of...love n first sight? i wonder XP...the thing that shocked me is i never imagine that she will find me the next day..well ofcz i feel happy..we text we joke we chat every day started from that day..and she was like a silly kid~~everything about her is attracting me...another thing that shocked me is for the first time she called me...wow..i was like stunned...but i missed the first call...after that we started to chat by phone call...hmmm...i tried to persuit her but i was like lack of confident..that night..when i asked to be my gf..i was very scare...and she was like stunned dont know what to do...i take a breath and hold her hand..that moment is really happy until cried..

we started our relationship after that night 11111 ...it was 5 1...it just like miracle t me...we stay happy and sweet for the few months..but...after that...startes to argue..quarrel..i even very fierce...after everytime we argue or quarrel i felt very sad and wng..i will tried to persuade her back..things that we quarrel was very very small problem.but what i angry is because she didnt want to talk..what i want is a conversation to solve problem but she refused to speak everytime thats why i felt angry...dont know since when i started to felt tired...felt wanted to end this...and i again a and again ask about breaking or not...she refused..ofcz i didnt break with her...i was loving her too...because of this tired
.we kept quarrel almost all the time...until she went to university i was like didnt really care about her even when she needed me...until one day...because she suddenly get angry and scolded me i felt very sad and angry too so we quarreled again..thats the last time i mentioned about break up...

we didnt find each other after that because i asked her to think should together or let go...this was the biggest mistake i had done...until night...i hacked her profile...and read her message...suddenly...my heart..my mind...told me..i cant lose her...i cant without her...i took my phone and call her...but her phone is switched off..i kept call and call and call almost few hours finally get in and she picked up...thats the first time cried and apologise to her..asked for her forgiveness and give me a chance..she cried and accepted..
after that happened we started to happy and sweet again but the different is i over care everything about her and kept apologise made her felt annoying...everything changed after that happened..she ignored me for 2 weeks..it was like she dont love anymore...she told me that she already put down at that day...i just dont understand why she wanted to live in past?? since she given the chance...should take back the reaponsibility..what happen is happened cant change put future can still be change...after the 2 weeks ignored..and everything back to normal again...but her tempered..changed..easy to get mad even for a little stuff...and what i can do is tried to hold back my anger...yes i did but sometime i rewlly cant when it reach my limit but i will direct persuade her back..if can stay happy..i didnt mind about her bad tempered..when that night she hug me..my tears fell...i never had before...i cant belive my tears fell...because i really love her...

everything goes well after one day she started to have some friends...changed..changed changed..it was like she needs them for than me...im jealous...really jealous..but i mad in myself more than everything...i knew she care about friendship very much..thats why i mad myself understand but still jealous...many times without reason without warning...i being ignore by her..and i never know the reason why...is not like i dont want to ask..i just dont want to quarrel..i just wanted to stay happy with her and i will just forgot those problem..love is everything for me..important than anything when i found the one i truly love...when she ignore me...i felt..very lonely..suffer...cant sleep..cant eat..cant do anything...because she is the power for me to move forward..without her..i am nothing but a car without engine...i didnt mind she be with her friends..but i only hope she can at least care about me too...i knew time cant turn back...and why must live in past? why dont look forward? i am not the one that she knew before...i changed for her..because of her i willing to sacrifice or do anything..i only wish to stay happy together and talk everything honestly...it just a simple wish...my only wish...i love her more than anyone..more than anything........i really dont hope she live in past..wake up please...everything is changed and i changed too...its not too late...hope she know how i feel...hope she understand...hope she willing to forget the past...im always there waiting for her...

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